Doctor: why does he only text

Q: I met a lovely man through work. He has a busy job, so we arrange dates through text messages. We only see each other every other weekend because of our kids, and he rarely calls and never wants to talk much when I do. I’m wondering if he sends texts because he’s got some secret other life.

Kylie via email

A: Consciously or not, your boyfriend likes to control how much of himself he shares with you.

The best way to cut through this kind of game playing is to talk. Say something like, ‘I’m worried about the lack of phone calls we have. On good days, I feel sad I can’t share more of my everyday life with you. On bad days I imagine you’re cheating on someone else…with me.’

It’s reasonable for you to expect conversation in-between your dates. And if he can’t provide that, ask yourself if part-time communication is something you can live with.

Emma Marlin, Counsellor


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