Counsellor Q&A: My children blame me for the divorce

Q: I left my husband of 23 years for another man. My children were 20 and 22, and I thought they would understand. But they see their father as a victim (even though he had several affairs they don’t know about), and are barely speaking to me. I’m tempted to tell them the truth, but my new partner says to let them be and in time, it’ll all work out.

Tina, Yorkshire

A: Listen to him. Your children may be young adults, but they’re still forming ideas about how love and relationships work.

For now, give them space. In time, think about writing them a letter apologising for the way you ended the marriage.

They may ask you why you did what you did and then you can explain more about the past. Until then, read Paula Hall’s excellent book how to have a healthy divorce (£9.99 vermilion)

Emma Marlin, Counsellor

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