Counsellor Q&A: Mum and I don't get on

Q: I’m in my thirties and divorced with no kids. Mum and I just don’t see eye to eye. I recently told her I was seeing someone she knows. She called me a tramp and said he was using me to get at her money and that if I continued seeing him, she’d write me out of her Will. She’s my only living relative so I can’t tell her what I really think as I don’t want to hurt her!

Leanne, Kent

A: Many women have complex relationships with their mums, but you don’t have to put up with this kind of abuse.

Telling your mum where to go may be tempting, but a better strategy might be to give her less ammunition. For instance, she doesn’t need to know who you are seeing. It seems that even if you were engaged to George Clooney, she’d probably find a way to have a go.

Also tell her that if she calls you a tramp or any other name you will end the conversation immediately. Eventually she’ll see that having a go at you gains her nothing.

For more support, read When You And Your Mother Can’t Be Friends by Victoria Secunda.

Emma Marlin, Counsellor


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