Counsellor: What about me

Q: After eight months of being unemployed, my husband took a job in London and commutes home for the weekend. At first I was relieved but now I mostly feel jealous and angry when my ‘fresh from London’ husband walks through the door on Friday – we’re expecting him back on Christmas Eve. The kids are managing OK and we can afford the mortgage, so why am I so miserable?

Leila, Lincolnshire

A: I admire you for putting your kids and your family’s needs first. If this arrangement is going to really work, we have to make sure some of your needs get met, too. To that end, I suggest the following steps…

1. You’re feelings of jealousy and anger are completely valid! Before your husband started commuting, you spent the previous eight months filled with debt anxiety. No wonder you’re wrung out – you’ve had a tough year! Which leads nicely to…

2. Plan more fun, you know best the kind of things that will help you relax, rewind and feel less resentful towards your husband. So I’m encouraging you to get out your diary and actually plan some of them in.

3. Focus on your future. I think it’s time to identify some of your dreams and goals for your own life and look at how you can start achieving them. I love Finding you own north star: How To Claim The Life You Were Meant To Live by Martha Beck. It will show you how to transform your misery back into excitement.

Emma Marlin, Counsellor

 

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