Counsellor: They think I made a pass

Q: When my son-in-law died of throat cancer, my ex came to the funeral and he told my daughter I’d made a pass at her husband while he was ill. He swore my son-in-law had told him this! It’s absolutely not true. But she believed him and they no longer want anything to do with me. What can I do to make them see how ridiculous this is?

Majorie, Lincolnshire

A: The likeliness is that your son-in-law was on strong pain-relieving drugs that can cause hallucinations.

I wonder if he hallucinated you making a pass and believed it really happened? Perhaps you could write your daughter and, alongside telling her how much you love and miss her, ask her to consider this explanation.

If you’ve never behaved in this kind of way before, why would you choose the end of your son-in-law’s life to do so? It really doesn’t make any sense.

It’s possible, in her terrible grief, your daughter has chosen to direct all her anguish and anger towards you. After all, we tend to take our strongest feelings on those we love. With time, I do hope she will heal from her loss and be willing to hear you out.

Emma Marlin, Counsellor

 

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