Q: Last year I ran into an old friend who said he’d been widowed. I really fell for him, then soon after was told he was desperately ill. He didn’t answer his phone, so I sent a card to his home. I then got a message to stop contacting him – he was sorry but he’d been lying to me and was still with his wife. I am broken-hearted. I feel like sending his wife a letter to explain my side. But I don’t want to hurt her more.
A: I’m all for writing this woman a letter, but I’m not sure you should actually send it. Even if you did tell her your side of the story, what would change? It’s a lot of energy to spend on other people at a time when your heart is broken.
A good friend who has been through a similarly awful break-up found great comfort by joining a local walking club. She’s made new friends and gets exercise at the same time, which has helped her cope with the hurt and anger.
As for the future and your belief you have bad luck with men, mentioned in your longer letter, your best option to find a good counsellor who can help you process your anger and rebuild your self-esteem.
Emma Marlin, Counsellor
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